I met a great guy, we connected immediately. And as quickly as we connected we disconnected. I started a relationship with the “deal-breaker guy” (reference my previous post). We had the “odds stacked against us”, he would say that all the time. That should have been a red flag, I missed that.
We had a 10 year age gap a lá J.Lo and Casper and Shakira and Piqué(I had hoped it was more like Shakira and Piqué), he was going away to school to work on his Masters and I was well aware of his struggle with his light and dark emotional sides. I still thought we could make it.
As we got to know each other, he only revealed his lighter side. He showed me his great sense of humor, his sarcasm, so intelligent, he knew what he wanted. He had a plan and that made him attractive. He was going away to work on his archeology degree, I had met my very own Indiana Jones!
Even though he was going away, we both decided to stay in a relationship. The day he went away to school, I went to see him. I will never forget that moment. We were on the driveway at his house and I told him to go have fun, make friends and just enjoy his school experience. I jokingly(not really) told him not to fall for any cute girls in the department. He said, no worries, archeology girls are not cute. I laughed. I told him I would miss him. And in a very uncharacteristic move on his part, he grabbed my face with both hands, kissed me and told me he would miss me. In that moment, I knew I was hooked.
Things changed very quickly. I could see his dark side start to take over. His stress levels where very high and he started to pull away. I tried so hard to relate, but I just couldn’t. I tried to motivate him, but that just made it worse. All those deal breakers started to flare up.
Before his dark side took over, we were happy. I remember the good times much more than the bad. He introduced to his family. They were all so great to me. They all took me in. And after a year of being alone in New York, I felt I belonged somewhere. In August I was invited to the Family vacation in Maine! I was on cloud 9! I remember being in the backseat of his parents car and he held my hand. In that moment I knew we liked each other. I knew I was ready to fight for this to work.
Fast forward to November, we were struggling as a couple. My Mom and Stepdad came to visit, I asked if he wanted to meet them. He said absolutely. I was looking forward to the weekend. I spent all week telling him he didn’t have to meet them, but if he was coming to make sure he got his school stuff done so he would not be stressed. I officially stressed him out.
He came, I could tell he was off, but I did not dare say anything. We had a good weekend. My parents liked him. But still something was not quite right.
The Monday after meeting my parents, he was back in school. We texted through out the whole day and he said how great the weekend was and how much he missed me. He went to class and after that I received a text saying he could not do this anymore. He was not happy and was struggling. I was speechless. Why the sudden change? What did I do? What happened?!
I never really got an answer.
The last couple of months have been tough. I was alone again in NY. We spoke a few times and I could sense the anger in his voice. I have woken up everyday since the break up and I think of him and pray he is ok. I still think he is an amazing guy!
I have learned not to let someone into my world so quickly. I need to be more jealous of my heart and my emotions. Sometimes, I am too much to handle. I can be intense. But that’s me.
Timing is everything, and our timing was off…